8 Years Ago Today.....

I know I started this blog to keep you all updated on my progress, but today is a special day so please allow me to digress a bit!

8 years ago today, my life changed in a beautiful way when my daughter Lindsey was born. I had dreamed my whole life of having a daughter, I think both since I'm so close to my Mom, and because I never had a sister, I craved that mother-daughter bond. I was so excited when I found out I was having a little girl, and my dreams came true March 26th, 2003 at 6:30pm.

She was gorgeous, with dark eyes and a ton of dark hair. She was an easy baby, always full of smiles and rarely fussy. She was a Mommy's girl, always wanting me to hold her, and be near her. She adored her big brother and loved to be the center of attention. As she grew, her funny little personality bloomed. She reminds me so much of myself, she's bubbly, and chatty and loves to make people laugh. She's a little performer and since the age of 2 has been fearlessly dancing or cheering her heart out on stage. She loves to sing and dance and dress up in girly clothes. She's sensitive and thoughtful and everything I could want in my little girl.

As some of you know, around the time I was diagnosed with my cancer, Lindsey was also having her own medical issues. She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitits. She's been so brave and strong throughout her ordeal and has never once complained about all she's been going through. Seven year olds aren't supposed to have to go for bloodwork every week. Seven year olds are not supposed to have a colonoscopy. They are not supposed to have to swallow eleven pills a day. But Lindsey has done all that and more and done so with her usual bright smile and positive spirit. She's never asked "why her" or seemed resentful of the cards she was dealt. She's been a much stronger person than I have been and I can't begin to say how proud I am of her and the lessons she's taught me in how to deal with a rotten situation with grace! The Whiting girls had a rough few months, but we're both feeling so much better and looking forward to our healthy future.

Today, I'd like to take a moment to celebrate the beautiful little girl who has graced my life in so many ways, who makes me smile every day, who I am so proud of, and who makes my world a much better place just because she is in it. These last 8 years have been so much fun, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us!!

Lindsey Paige, I love you and your beautiful smile so much!!!

Happy Birthday!!

Tick Tock, Tick Tock......

Can you hear that?

Its the second hand of my noisy hospital room clock going, going, going....

Counting down the seconds, the minutes, the hours until I can bust outta here! We can see the light at the end of the tunnel...its gettting there....so close! Sunday! Unless something crazy happens, I can go home Sunday!! You can't see me, but I'm doing the crazy bald lady happy dance right now! =0)

My counts are doing great, I'm doing great, and I  just need to stay fever free for the next 2 days and I'm good! Its been hard staring out the window and seeing how gorgeous it is outside! I've literally been in a 10x8 room without leaving for a nanosecond for 2 full weeks!  And for the most part it really hasn't been THAT bad, except of course missing my family like mad. But these last couple days have been killing me. I have to keep reminding myself I've come so far and I'm SO close!!
Tyler's hockey team had their last tryout tonight and I have been a wreck the last 2 days wondering if Ty would get cut or one of his teammates would....Its crazy how obsessive one can be when you have nothing but time on your hands. I had every awful scenario planned out in my head. In the end all was fine, all the kiddos (including Ty) made the team again AND we added some great new players. Nothing to worry about! But I did! They play their next playoff game this Saturday so if everyone could send some good luck vibes to them that would be great!

Tomorrow will be an exciting day as my counts should be high enough that I get hall privileges, so I can suit up in mask and gloves and walk the halls of my floor. SUPER exciting...hahaha. I asked the nurse if I could please, please, please walk just to a door way and take a gulp of fresh air and she said they would put an alarm bracelet on me to keep me away from the elevator because I'm "One of THOSE patients" I don't know if that was a good thing ;0)

I had a few more visitors these last couple days and they were much needed! Love you Uncle Al, Auntie Gemma, Erin, Suz, Darren, Christina, Kev, Mom and Dad! I saw a rainbow out  my window on Wed, so I know my 2 beautiful angel cousins Jamie and Ashley are keeping watch over me as well! And to everyone else, Thanks again for all your cards, calls, emails, texts, facebooks, etc. I know trucking into Boston isn't feasbile for most, but honestly your well wishes truly are the BEST medicine and as always I'm so touched by your love. Please know the feeling is mutual!!!

I leave you with a picture of Drew, since he was left out in my last post! He's doing his superhero "Super Get Well Mommy" vibes pose. Isn't he so stinking cute? I'm a lucky girl!!

Lots of Love!
xoxoxo
Tara =0)

P.S. Happy Birthday to my gorgeous nephew Cole! And Happy St. Patrick's Day from the O'Whiting Family!

The Counts are Dropping, The Counts are Dropping!

Hi Friends!

I'm checking in on you all, live from MGH, on Day +5 (8 days in!) to let you know that we got great news this morning and the counts are dropping! We expected that the 2 days worth of Melaphan Chemo would do its dirty work and kill off all my good bone marrow cells, along with the nasty cancer ones, so we wanted to see those blood counts drop down to zeros, and this is happening! Now my recently returned Superhero Stem Cells can come to the rescue and start making shiny new "good" bone marrow and once those counts are back up to normal ranges I can go home!!!!! Based on current trends, that could be as soon as next Friday or Saturday!! We are super excited, as much as I adore all my nurses and Drs here at MGH, I want out of this damn fishbowl!!

Still Smiling!

I have been remarkably fortunate to have very few side effects. A little Nausea and Diarrhea, a little more fatigue, but beyond that, just trying to pass the time to get home to my family! I've had a few visitors this week who braved the mask and glove requirement to come keep me sane. Thanks of course to Kev and my Mom, Auntie Susan, Uncle Danny and Amy, Peter and Roz! And thanks Erin for chatting with me for 2 hrs last night! I needed some good  girl talk!

As many of you saw on Facebook, I made the leap and shaved my head on Wed. Its the strangest thing, but my hair was actually hurting me! The nurse said it would feel loads better if I shaved it so I gave in. Why not, it was going to come out eventually right? I'm glad I did, because now I can stop worrying about it. Its gone, just waiting for it to grow back. Anyone want to place a bet what it looks like? I'm guessing grey and curly, french poodle anyone?  We shall see! Needless to say my Cousin Carrie (the hairdresser) will have a very loyal customer in a few months! =0)

Tyler had his first hockey playoff game today. Of course it crushed me to miss it. I had one of my fellow hockey Mom's (Thanks Sue!!) texting me updates throught the game. 2-0 us; 3-0 us in the second; 5-1us heading into the 3rd; finally the final score. 5-1 us! A Win!! Ty's team has had their  share of  wins this year, but this was a team they had lost more than won against, so this was exciting news to say the least. A few minutes later Tyler called me from the locker room on his phone.

"Mom- Mom we won!"
"Congrats Ty" I tell him, "I'm so proud of you guys!"
"Mom the team alll wore purple ribbons today. And we won it for you!"
"For Me?" I asked, confused
"Yes we all wore the purple ribbons and won it for you!!" The team all yelled, the phone now on speakerphone.

Can you say waterworks? Apparently one of the Mom's made purple ribbons and the whole team, coaches, and parents wore them in honor of me. I don't know how I got to be so lucky.....The family I've been blessed with, the friends I've made in life. I just feel so loved and supported and I hope one day I can repay the favor to all of you. You humble me, you really do. I have so many people I need to thank for so many things, I'm not sure where to start! But I promise that all of you who have reached out to me during these last crazy few months, even with just kind words, I will find a way to thank you!!

Love you all so much!!
xoxoxox
Tara =0)

Special Thanks to Auntie Kathy for the great pictures!!

Ty with his ribbon on the ice

Most of the Team- Pre Game

The Hottest Hockey Mom's in Town! =0)

Lindsey in the warm room with her ribbon!

Kevin with his Ribbon

Coach Steve pumping up the team!

3 Days Down....11+ to go!

Hi There Everyone!

So I was finally admitted on Friday, and as much as I am soglad to be getting this over with, I was kind of hoping for one last weekend at home with the kiddos! But this is a good thing, I'm hopefully in the final stages of this treatment and other than follow up visits with my doctors, can look forward to a nice long break from procedures, hospital stays and sickness!

I had my two days of Chemo Friday night and Saturday night and other than IV fluids up the waazoo today, it was a considered a day of "rest". I guess they consider getting up 20+ times a day dragging an IV pole to pee "rest"!  (Haha!) But its important  to flush out the yuckiness of the chemo so its worth it!

They have me on a TON of meds to prevent viral, bacterial and fungal infections, anti-nausea meds,  and meds to prevent mouth sores. I've been told though that typically by day 5, I can expect the side effects to kick in. Hopefully it won't be too bad!

So tomorrow I get my Stem Cells back. I'm interested to see how that is all going to work. I've been told the preservative they store them in smells pretty bad (like creamed corn or artichokes....Haha!) I'll be sure to keep you posted on my progress. I've been told to expect a 2-3 week stay, so I'm hoping its closer to2 weeks but I'm aware it could be a bit longer.

The room is really nice here, though for those who visited me on the 21st floor, not nearly as nice as that! I've attached some pics below. We tried to make the room as homey as possible! Thanks again for all the love via phone calls, emails, facebook and calls to my parents checking in. I feel the love and its because of all of you I'm fighting so hard!

Talk Soon!

xoxoxoxo,
Tara :0)

Yes, that is Bug Bug and Ra Ra for those who remember Ty and Lindsey's lovies!!

My wall of pictures!

My Favorite Visitor!

My View

Hair, Hair, Everywhere.....

So its been a crazy week! Tuesday my cousin Carrie and I went to Danvers, Mass and picked out a wig. I went a little shorter than my current length, the same color, with some bangs. It was cute and pretty natural looking. I was happy with it! I'm still not sure if I'll be a big fan of wearing it, I see me being more comfortable in a hat or scarf, but I think the kids will prefer the wig and I want to make it as easy on them as possible.

I know this must have been a tough day for Carrie, even though we had fun together. My cousin Jamie, her sister, passed away in 2006 from Breast Cancer and she when she was going through Chemo and losing her hair, Carrie  took her to this same place to get her wig. We had some great  talks about Jamie and her battle with Cancer and I was reminded what a fighter Jamie was and how much I miss her. Everyone tells me how postive I have been through this and I credit her as one of the reasons why. She was so strong and brave the 2 1/2 years she fought her fight and I have a lot to live up too! Miss you JLVR! And thanks Carrie for coming with me, Love you!

The next day, my hair started falling out. Fistfulls. Anytime I touched my hair I'd get a clump. And my clothes were covered in it. I wasn't prepaired for that because the Chemo I've gotten so far hasn't been super strong. I knew with the transplant dose of chemo it was going to go, but figured I had a couple more weeks of hair. But apparently it was enough to kick start the hair loss process! Thank goodness I had a lot of hair because even with the huge amounts I was losing I still had a full head of hair. It was thinning, but no weird bald patches. I had decided on Tuesday that I would cut it short before my hospital admin, but now I was looking forward to the haircut!

Today my super fabulous hairdresser cousin Carrie worked her magic and cut my hair in a cute short style. It still looks like I have a ton of hair, even though I really don't. Hopefully it will stay looking this cute for the next week before I get admitted! I attached a picture, I never thought I could do short hair but I really like it! Kev liked it a lot too, the kids were mixed. Linds gave it a thumbs up, Tyler said I looked weird, and Drew told me to put my hair back and that I looked like Daddy (Ouch!) hehehe....

I have mixed emotions about losing my hair. I've aways felt it was one of my better features, and was dreading losng it. I didn't want to look "sick", and pretty, longer hair has always made me feel feminine, even when I wasn't happy with other aspects of my apperance. But when I think of what it means, why I'm losing my hair, I can't get too upset. The Chemo that is causing my hair to fall out, has already made me so much better. When I was first admitted to the hospital, I could barely walk, my vision was deteriorating rapidily, I had no idea what was wrong with me and was terrified of what the future held for me. Things could be so much worse than just losing my hair.  I could be unable to walk without a cane or walker. I could not be able to drive, or read, or watch my kids play due to the loss of my vision. I could have a prognosis that meant I wouldn't be around to watch my kids grow and get old and grey(er) with Kevin. I am so blessed that what I do have is an amazing chance to kick this Cancer quickly and have it stay away for a very, very long time. I am so blessed I have an amazing team of doctors and hospital that are going to help me achieve this goal. And I am so blessed that I have a family and friends that love me no matter how I  look.  If all I have to give up to make this happen is a couple weeks of my time and my hair...then I consider myself extremely lucky! Bald in this case means I am getting healthy, getting my life back, and it is beautiful. And I am going to ROCK the look!

Talk Soon!
xoxoxoxo,

Tara =0)

Transfusions, Needles and Stem Cells, Oh My!

Hi Everyone!

It hits me every now and then, how the girl who barely took an Advil for a headache, now has all this crazy medical drama on a daily basis. I used to always joke with doctors when they asked the usual allergy and history questions, that I was medically boring. Well baby, look at me now!!  :0)

So since we last talked, I had a drs appt on Friday that was SUPPOSED to be a quick check in, and ended up as a six hour ordeal that ended in me hooked up to my best friend the IV pole getting a liter of blood. I've never had a blood transusion before and I have to be honest, it creeped me out a bit. I kept wondering whose blood it was. Where did it come from? Was the donor a female? A male? A Yankees fan??? But after a few minutes I realized what a generous gift it was (even for a Yankees fan!), and how guilty I feel that I haven't donated more in my life. I hope to change that in my future and a huge THANK YOU for those of my friends and family that do donate!! You are literally life savers!

Anyway, after the doctors appointment, I went home and spent the weekend finishing up my 3 shots a day of the Neupegen that would cause my blood to produce extra stem cells for the collection on Tuesday. From a former needle wimp, the shots were surprisingly easy to give myself, but I was VERY glad to take the last dose yesterday morning!

Yesterday Kev and I headed in to Boston at 5:30 for Day 1 of Stem Cell collection. We had been told it could take 1-4 days to get the 4 million cells they would need for the Transplant. Our goal was to be there for 7:30 and with the snow, it was just a little after 7:30 when we arrived. There was a little scare my veins weren't big enough for this procedure, and I'd have to have a central line inserted in my neck (yuck!), but they brought up the Vein expert and he was able to get me all hooked up. I've attached some picturess of the machine below that filter out the Stem Cells. Kev and I called it the Super Duper Blood Whirlly-Majiggy. Whatever the techincal name of it, I had a huge needle IV in one arm, that drew my blood out of me and into the machine, where the stem cells were filtered out. Then it was mixed with Calcium (to  prevent clotting) and sent through another IV in the other arm back into my body.

We shared the transfusion room with two older gentleman and their wives, also battling various forms of Cancer and prepairing for transplants, but also currently looking and feeling pretty healthy at this time. The first time we visited the room for a vein check, the other patients in the room were very sickly and it was very uncomfortable the few minutes I was there. I was nervous it would be the same this time and was quite relived it wasn't. One of the gentleman actually flew up from Florida to use MGH because he couldn't get  the care he wanted  in FL. We share the same team of doctors and he reminded me how lucky we are to have such world class care so close to us. I'll try not to complain about my commutes to Boston anymore!

As procedures go, this wasn't too bad. Other than getting the IV's inserted there was no real pain, but the fact I couldn't move my arms or use the bathroom the whole time was pretty annoying!  The whole process was 5 hrs long, and I was told my total volume of blood was filtered approx. 3 times. The bag of Orangey/Red gloop is actually my Stem Cells! That was rolled away to be preserved and frozen until I'm ready for transplant. My Doctor came down to visit and said he would call us tonight to let us know if we needed to come back tomorrow for more or if we were all set. We headed home with fingers crossed that we were all set.

I'm pleased to report that my Doctor called last night and let us know we had collected enough for not one, but two transplants in one day!! So not only do I not have to go back this week, in the event I ever need a second transplant sometime down the line, I have a whole bag of Stem Cells on ice waiting just for me!! Aparently the have records of them being frozen and then used for 20+ years and more so we're very excited!

Well thanks for listening, this was a long post, but this is such a crazy experience, I just wanted to share it with you! Enjoy the pictures!

Talk Soon!

xoxo
Tara =0)

(Another) Snow Day!

Hi Everyone!

Just checking in from Snowville...I am safe, sound, feeling great and well taken care of! My Mom had us stay with her Tues and Wed in case I needed any help with the kiddos since school was released early Tues and cancelled Wed. We've been enjoying the change in scenery (New toys! Lots of room to play outside with Mom & Grammie able to watch from inside!) and I decided to bake some yummy cookies and brownies instead of being totally lazy.

I'll head back home tonight and get back to reality though. Its been great having Mom around for an extra set of hands, not that I really need them at this point, but just because its nice to be taken care of. So far, no side effects from the Neupegen shots, so that is great!  I had some yuckyiness on Sun and Mon from the Chemo, but nothing some good drugs couldn't fix.

Next up is a Drs appointment on Friday to check my bloodwork, and then we start the collection of Stem Cells next week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I only need one day to collect what they need for the transplant. The thought of 3-4 days stuck in that chair not being able to move my arms is pretty depressing, but I think we can bang it out in 1-2 days!

Anyway, I hope you all are tucked in your warm homes enjoying the snow and your familes like I am. I will continue to keep you all posted. I'll leave you with a picture of my snow babies enjoying their day off!

xoxo,
Tara