Hair, Hair, Everywhere.....

So its been a crazy week! Tuesday my cousin Carrie and I went to Danvers, Mass and picked out a wig. I went a little shorter than my current length, the same color, with some bangs. It was cute and pretty natural looking. I was happy with it! I'm still not sure if I'll be a big fan of wearing it, I see me being more comfortable in a hat or scarf, but I think the kids will prefer the wig and I want to make it as easy on them as possible.

I know this must have been a tough day for Carrie, even though we had fun together. My cousin Jamie, her sister, passed away in 2006 from Breast Cancer and she when she was going through Chemo and losing her hair, Carrie  took her to this same place to get her wig. We had some great  talks about Jamie and her battle with Cancer and I was reminded what a fighter Jamie was and how much I miss her. Everyone tells me how postive I have been through this and I credit her as one of the reasons why. She was so strong and brave the 2 1/2 years she fought her fight and I have a lot to live up too! Miss you JLVR! And thanks Carrie for coming with me, Love you!

The next day, my hair started falling out. Fistfulls. Anytime I touched my hair I'd get a clump. And my clothes were covered in it. I wasn't prepaired for that because the Chemo I've gotten so far hasn't been super strong. I knew with the transplant dose of chemo it was going to go, but figured I had a couple more weeks of hair. But apparently it was enough to kick start the hair loss process! Thank goodness I had a lot of hair because even with the huge amounts I was losing I still had a full head of hair. It was thinning, but no weird bald patches. I had decided on Tuesday that I would cut it short before my hospital admin, but now I was looking forward to the haircut!

Today my super fabulous hairdresser cousin Carrie worked her magic and cut my hair in a cute short style. It still looks like I have a ton of hair, even though I really don't. Hopefully it will stay looking this cute for the next week before I get admitted! I attached a picture, I never thought I could do short hair but I really like it! Kev liked it a lot too, the kids were mixed. Linds gave it a thumbs up, Tyler said I looked weird, and Drew told me to put my hair back and that I looked like Daddy (Ouch!) hehehe....

I have mixed emotions about losing my hair. I've aways felt it was one of my better features, and was dreading losng it. I didn't want to look "sick", and pretty, longer hair has always made me feel feminine, even when I wasn't happy with other aspects of my apperance. But when I think of what it means, why I'm losing my hair, I can't get too upset. The Chemo that is causing my hair to fall out, has already made me so much better. When I was first admitted to the hospital, I could barely walk, my vision was deteriorating rapidily, I had no idea what was wrong with me and was terrified of what the future held for me. Things could be so much worse than just losing my hair.  I could be unable to walk without a cane or walker. I could not be able to drive, or read, or watch my kids play due to the loss of my vision. I could have a prognosis that meant I wouldn't be around to watch my kids grow and get old and grey(er) with Kevin. I am so blessed that what I do have is an amazing chance to kick this Cancer quickly and have it stay away for a very, very long time. I am so blessed I have an amazing team of doctors and hospital that are going to help me achieve this goal. And I am so blessed that I have a family and friends that love me no matter how I  look.  If all I have to give up to make this happen is a couple weeks of my time and my hair...then I consider myself extremely lucky! Bald in this case means I am getting healthy, getting my life back, and it is beautiful. And I am going to ROCK the look!

Talk Soon!
xoxoxoxo,

Tara =0)