Hair, Hair, Everywhere.....

So its been a crazy week! Tuesday my cousin Carrie and I went to Danvers, Mass and picked out a wig. I went a little shorter than my current length, the same color, with some bangs. It was cute and pretty natural looking. I was happy with it! I'm still not sure if I'll be a big fan of wearing it, I see me being more comfortable in a hat or scarf, but I think the kids will prefer the wig and I want to make it as easy on them as possible.

I know this must have been a tough day for Carrie, even though we had fun together. My cousin Jamie, her sister, passed away in 2006 from Breast Cancer and she when she was going through Chemo and losing her hair, Carrie  took her to this same place to get her wig. We had some great  talks about Jamie and her battle with Cancer and I was reminded what a fighter Jamie was and how much I miss her. Everyone tells me how postive I have been through this and I credit her as one of the reasons why. She was so strong and brave the 2 1/2 years she fought her fight and I have a lot to live up too! Miss you JLVR! And thanks Carrie for coming with me, Love you!

The next day, my hair started falling out. Fistfulls. Anytime I touched my hair I'd get a clump. And my clothes were covered in it. I wasn't prepaired for that because the Chemo I've gotten so far hasn't been super strong. I knew with the transplant dose of chemo it was going to go, but figured I had a couple more weeks of hair. But apparently it was enough to kick start the hair loss process! Thank goodness I had a lot of hair because even with the huge amounts I was losing I still had a full head of hair. It was thinning, but no weird bald patches. I had decided on Tuesday that I would cut it short before my hospital admin, but now I was looking forward to the haircut!

Today my super fabulous hairdresser cousin Carrie worked her magic and cut my hair in a cute short style. It still looks like I have a ton of hair, even though I really don't. Hopefully it will stay looking this cute for the next week before I get admitted! I attached a picture, I never thought I could do short hair but I really like it! Kev liked it a lot too, the kids were mixed. Linds gave it a thumbs up, Tyler said I looked weird, and Drew told me to put my hair back and that I looked like Daddy (Ouch!) hehehe....

I have mixed emotions about losing my hair. I've aways felt it was one of my better features, and was dreading losng it. I didn't want to look "sick", and pretty, longer hair has always made me feel feminine, even when I wasn't happy with other aspects of my apperance. But when I think of what it means, why I'm losing my hair, I can't get too upset. The Chemo that is causing my hair to fall out, has already made me so much better. When I was first admitted to the hospital, I could barely walk, my vision was deteriorating rapidily, I had no idea what was wrong with me and was terrified of what the future held for me. Things could be so much worse than just losing my hair.  I could be unable to walk without a cane or walker. I could not be able to drive, or read, or watch my kids play due to the loss of my vision. I could have a prognosis that meant I wouldn't be around to watch my kids grow and get old and grey(er) with Kevin. I am so blessed that what I do have is an amazing chance to kick this Cancer quickly and have it stay away for a very, very long time. I am so blessed I have an amazing team of doctors and hospital that are going to help me achieve this goal. And I am so blessed that I have a family and friends that love me no matter how I  look.  If all I have to give up to make this happen is a couple weeks of my time and my hair...then I consider myself extremely lucky! Bald in this case means I am getting healthy, getting my life back, and it is beautiful. And I am going to ROCK the look!

Talk Soon!
xoxoxoxo,

Tara =0)

Transfusions, Needles and Stem Cells, Oh My!

Hi Everyone!

It hits me every now and then, how the girl who barely took an Advil for a headache, now has all this crazy medical drama on a daily basis. I used to always joke with doctors when they asked the usual allergy and history questions, that I was medically boring. Well baby, look at me now!!  :0)

So since we last talked, I had a drs appt on Friday that was SUPPOSED to be a quick check in, and ended up as a six hour ordeal that ended in me hooked up to my best friend the IV pole getting a liter of blood. I've never had a blood transusion before and I have to be honest, it creeped me out a bit. I kept wondering whose blood it was. Where did it come from? Was the donor a female? A male? A Yankees fan??? But after a few minutes I realized what a generous gift it was (even for a Yankees fan!), and how guilty I feel that I haven't donated more in my life. I hope to change that in my future and a huge THANK YOU for those of my friends and family that do donate!! You are literally life savers!

Anyway, after the doctors appointment, I went home and spent the weekend finishing up my 3 shots a day of the Neupegen that would cause my blood to produce extra stem cells for the collection on Tuesday. From a former needle wimp, the shots were surprisingly easy to give myself, but I was VERY glad to take the last dose yesterday morning!

Yesterday Kev and I headed in to Boston at 5:30 for Day 1 of Stem Cell collection. We had been told it could take 1-4 days to get the 4 million cells they would need for the Transplant. Our goal was to be there for 7:30 and with the snow, it was just a little after 7:30 when we arrived. There was a little scare my veins weren't big enough for this procedure, and I'd have to have a central line inserted in my neck (yuck!), but they brought up the Vein expert and he was able to get me all hooked up. I've attached some picturess of the machine below that filter out the Stem Cells. Kev and I called it the Super Duper Blood Whirlly-Majiggy. Whatever the techincal name of it, I had a huge needle IV in one arm, that drew my blood out of me and into the machine, where the stem cells were filtered out. Then it was mixed with Calcium (to  prevent clotting) and sent through another IV in the other arm back into my body.

We shared the transfusion room with two older gentleman and their wives, also battling various forms of Cancer and prepairing for transplants, but also currently looking and feeling pretty healthy at this time. The first time we visited the room for a vein check, the other patients in the room were very sickly and it was very uncomfortable the few minutes I was there. I was nervous it would be the same this time and was quite relived it wasn't. One of the gentleman actually flew up from Florida to use MGH because he couldn't get  the care he wanted  in FL. We share the same team of doctors and he reminded me how lucky we are to have such world class care so close to us. I'll try not to complain about my commutes to Boston anymore!

As procedures go, this wasn't too bad. Other than getting the IV's inserted there was no real pain, but the fact I couldn't move my arms or use the bathroom the whole time was pretty annoying!  The whole process was 5 hrs long, and I was told my total volume of blood was filtered approx. 3 times. The bag of Orangey/Red gloop is actually my Stem Cells! That was rolled away to be preserved and frozen until I'm ready for transplant. My Doctor came down to visit and said he would call us tonight to let us know if we needed to come back tomorrow for more or if we were all set. We headed home with fingers crossed that we were all set.

I'm pleased to report that my Doctor called last night and let us know we had collected enough for not one, but two transplants in one day!! So not only do I not have to go back this week, in the event I ever need a second transplant sometime down the line, I have a whole bag of Stem Cells on ice waiting just for me!! Aparently the have records of them being frozen and then used for 20+ years and more so we're very excited!

Well thanks for listening, this was a long post, but this is such a crazy experience, I just wanted to share it with you! Enjoy the pictures!

Talk Soon!

xoxo
Tara =0)

(Another) Snow Day!

Hi Everyone!

Just checking in from Snowville...I am safe, sound, feeling great and well taken care of! My Mom had us stay with her Tues and Wed in case I needed any help with the kiddos since school was released early Tues and cancelled Wed. We've been enjoying the change in scenery (New toys! Lots of room to play outside with Mom & Grammie able to watch from inside!) and I decided to bake some yummy cookies and brownies instead of being totally lazy.

I'll head back home tonight and get back to reality though. Its been great having Mom around for an extra set of hands, not that I really need them at this point, but just because its nice to be taken care of. So far, no side effects from the Neupegen shots, so that is great!  I had some yuckyiness on Sun and Mon from the Chemo, but nothing some good drugs couldn't fix.

Next up is a Drs appointment on Friday to check my bloodwork, and then we start the collection of Stem Cells next week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I only need one day to collect what they need for the transplant. The thought of 3-4 days stuck in that chair not being able to move my arms is pretty depressing, but I think we can bang it out in 1-2 days!

Anyway, I hope you all are tucked in your warm homes enjoying the snow and your familes like I am. I will continue to keep you all posted. I'll leave you with a picture of my snow babies enjoying their day off!

xoxo,
Tara