And so it begins...

Hi Friends!

So I'm packing for my first admission to MGH to start this Stem Cell "Rescue" process. I will go in tomorrow morning for 2 days of Chemo, and come home Friday afternoon. Of course its fitting I get to travel the hour ride to Boston in a snow storm that will be more severe the closer to the city we get! Oh well...always a little extra excitment in my life! ;0)

I'm not really nervous for  this part of the process. I've done IV Chemo, and this isn't the really nasty stuff I'll get later on in the process. And its only 2 days and then I'll be back home to the kiddos. So all in all, I should be looking at this as a mini-vacation right? Two days of reading, watching TV and napping with no distractions except the occasion blood draw and vitals check.

But still, I can feel Feb 22nd creeping up on me, and the nerves are starting to kick in. I hate that I'll have to leave my kids again, even if this time they are prepared and I know they are in great hands. As much as I love to complain about them, I love the little monsters and will miss them like crazy. I hate being stuck in the hospital and missing their hockey games and school activites and cuddling at bedtime. I hate trying to sleep in that uncomfortanle hospital bed, with all the hospital noise and really bad food. I hate that I'll be losing my hair. Its not so much the hair that I'm stressed about, I know that will grow back, but for the first time, I'm going to look sick. I'm going to look like a cancer patient.

For the last 3 months, people who knew what was going on have told me how great I look, and those that didn't, had no idea I was even sick. Now it will be all awkward stares and "how are you feeling"? Ugh...I hate people being concerned or worried about me. I hate people feeling sorry for me. I just want everyone to treat me the same as they always have. Please don't get me wrong, its not that I am not greatful for everyones concern, well wishes and extreme generousity. I just much prefer to be plain old Tara, rather than Cancer Girl, you know what I mean?

But, on the bright side, having this disease has shown me what an amazing circle of friends and family I do have, and for that I am eternally grateful. Kevin and I feel so loved and supported and that means the world to us. Havng this disease has also shown me whats truly important in life and to appreciate the time we do have. Living to 100  is not a guarentee so we should enjoy each day like it could be our last, and make sure that the people we love know that we love them. So for all of you reading this....I love you!  But know that I'm going to be around for a really long time, so I'll be seeing you soon! I promise to keep you updated on my progress. Talk to you soon!

xoxo
Tara :0)